I was having dinner with my mom tonight and I was talking about going to university after I'm done college. I was complaining about feeling so old because I'm 18 now, and that's when most people go into their first year of school. Everyone I've met in college so far has been at least a few years older than me but I find university students usually go straight from high school, so when I go, I'm gonna be the weird kid who's been wasting my youth doing whatever the fuck. Ok, I know it's not out of the ordinary to go when you're older and I'm not condemning it because I think to pursue higher education at anytime is actually wonderful, which is why I've planned the next 5 years of my life there. It's just that I have a natural awkwardness about me when I'm around people my own age (probably just around everyone), and more so if they're younger. But as I was talking to my mom about all of this, she stopped me and asked how old my brother is. 21, of course. You're suppose to know that, mom. She stared at me blankly for a second. Then aren't you 19?
Wait.
What?
Holy shit, I am 19. This whole time I'd been saying I was 18. One year isn't a big difference but my birthday was months ago. This isn't a mistake I should be making, and it's not one I've made before. Not to this extent anyways.
And then I realized that the last few years of my life, though there were some big moments (ex. dropping out of university, my first love, getting my first full-time job, my first heartbreak, going to college), haven't exactly been memorable. All this time just melds into one and I can't remember feeling any of it.
So I think of myself younger than I am, not because I don't know my age, but because I just don't care.
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